The Truth About 9/11

ABC is now presenting the ABC-solute truth about the terrorist attacks of the 11th of September (also called 11-9) 2001.

Bill Clinton did it.

You recall what I said about absolute truth, no?

This echoing of the *** White House policy was arrived at independantly, so we are told. Basically, Clinton had numerous chances to take out Osama Bin Laden prior to the attacks. Condi Rice runs around telling the world how concerned Mr. "I hit the trifecta--(thank god)" was about the attacks.

Apparently it's no longer being advertised as"Based on the 9/11 Commission Report". David Cameron has apparently begun carefully referring to it as a "docudrama" and saying spcifically that "this is not a documentary".

Of course. And Dianetics is not a scientific treatise. Got anything we don't know?

This objective "docudrama" was written by a friend of Rush Limbaugh, the wise, compassionate, folksy (assuming your folks grew up in a trailer park, drank Thunderbird, and were related by blood) talk-show host, long known for his balanced and evenhanded treatment of William Jefferson Clinton and anyone conncted with him, and for his refusal to pander to the rabid space cadets who support ***. So naturally one would expect a friend of his to do an honourable, historically-accurate treatment of a story this serious.

Limbaugh is as wise, balanced, and honourable as the preceding two statements are true. (For my Avid Fans who aren't familiar with my style--or are paid-up Dubya supporters--this is sarcasm).

Whatever one may say of anything Clinton did or did not do, GWB was at the wheel when the warnings came in saying "Yo--this dude is SERIOUS!. He's planning to fly planes into buildings to kill people."

Naturally the president couldn't ignore this threat. He leapt into action and did ... something.

I'm sure he did.

It'll all be in the 9/11 Commission's Report. I mean--surely he didn't sit on the warnings like Clinton?

Actually what George Number Two did was go on vacation, thus establishing a proud tradition broken only at times of national emergency--such as when a brain-dead woman's husband wants to let her die. Or presumably if he had to cast a second veto on stem cells. Cause despite the 70,000 dead directly attributable to W. he's all about that "culture of life". Provided it's US-ian and white.

ABC plans to distribute this dramadocu for free to high schools, possibly encouraging the next generation of voters to vote Republican. Because it's getting harder to conceal the voting machine fraud, presumably.

In related news: Disney has acquired the rights to a new mascot. This mascot also comes with large, floppy ears. Want a hint? The last time they used one of these it was called "Dumbo"--probably just incredibly accurate foresight.

Hopefully the youth of today would prefer to elect a president who enjoyed a good blowjob now and then.

Dubya's probably afraid to go there.

Though he might send some soldiers to die in his place. Just like Clinton did--uh, didn't, actually.