A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

29 June 2009

On the Great Infestation

Sigh. My house is not my own anymore. In a more enlightened society, Mme might be accused of harbouring a nuisance.

Some beasts are useful: The sturdy shetland pony, the sheepdog, the goat. Mankind has built a relationship of mutual trust and reliance with these.

Then, there's the sort that lounges about on your couch for hours on end before slouching off for a hurried six-hour nap, whilst scratching your furniture to splinters and doing abominable things in various dark corners, all the while gleefully consuming food in quantities to make Roman orgy-goers cry "Oi--steady on, mate!"

Such beasts shed hair like an over-forty rock band, and leave unspeakable trails of spittle trailing across the floor, to say nothing of the partially-digested items trailing in its wake. When not regurgitating your food, said creature is rubbing up against you demanding more of it, not to mention more of your valuable gin and beer.

Yes, having the damn thing in the house is something of a trial. But Mme Metro and I are happy to do it as respite care. This allows her regular attendants the chance they need to recover following the repeated hydrophobia shots, deworming, and delousing they must be put through from extended contact.

The cats are fine, and looking pretty healthy, by comparison.

I had a recent picture, but was reluctant to post it, for the health of the Avid Fans' brains. Let's just say I know just how this little dog feels:

funny pictures of dogs with captions
see more dog and puppy pictures

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At 5:38 p.m., Blogger The Nag said...

So that's how Raincoaster looks. I was mildly curious.

At 8:09 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look, dude, nobody wants to know what you did to "make use of" the "sturdy" Shetland pony, the sheepdog, or (god forbid) the goat.

And, while you've got the car, you need to pick up some more gin.

At 12:42 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of these days you're going to get into trouble with these posts.

At 7:06 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wondered why rain hadn't been posting lately - - -

At 12:44 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

Well the picture doesn't capture the full horror, but apart from the lack of tentacles, encrusted open sores, and slime, it's dead on.

Of course normal people would understand precisely what the term means. Shut up and drink your turps.

What? You don't think having raincoaster at my home is punishment enough? What more can they do to me?!

Sheer bloodyminded laziness, actually, and despite her boozy protestations, an inability to handle liquor and a Twitter addiction.

At 8:20 a.m., Anonymous G Eagle Esq said...

Now let me gvess

.... M Metro is the one on the right of the picture, looking remarkably cheerful dspite the absence of a Bottle of Real Ale ......

wv kullypro

At 9:35 a.m., Blogger Metro said...

WV = "sucklit"

I just had to post that.

@G Eagle:

Your dyslexia's kicked in again--That's Raincoaster.

At 4:01 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, Metro is on the left. On the right is the only one he could drag home with him from the bar the other night. His wife threw them both in the autoclave and now all is well.

Also: Metro, you are now out of rum as well. Damn pixies!

At 12:20 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

You see? RC's consumed so much turpentine she now cannot recognize her own smiling face.

Sad, really. Really sad.

WV = "hogeops", which I think refers to my current home renos.


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