Black Friday--For at Least One Family

You know, I think Thanksgiving needs to be repurposed.

Look at it this way--it's already got the turkey dinner, unwanted relatives, guilt feelings ... Hell, it's perfect for a religious holiday.

And I'd like to dedicate that religious holiday to the man who came to earth, and in his early thirties was killed for the sins of humankind. Particularly one subset of humankind.

Attention Wal-Mart shoppers. We're talking to you.

If you can get your snouts out of the nosebag for a minute, I'd like you to dedicate a moment to remember this guy.

Two hundred people broke down the doors of a Wal-Mart in New York and trampled him to death. In response to the death, management at Wal-Mart released this tepid statement:

"The safety and security of Wal-Mart customers and associates is our top priority."

The bit they didn't print anywhere was:

It's a shame that the worker got in the way of shoppers flocking to the excellent bargains at Wal-Mart. He died defending an American ideal: The right, in the middle of the worst economic crisis in a hundred years, of people to buy that desperately-needed 42-inch plasma screen TV for just $499.99. Yes, it seems like madness, but Wal-Mart is willing to make sacrifices to bring the savings to you, the customer. This man gave his life for a great deal, and we think he'd have wanted to go this way, enabling our consumers to save so much money on the new Mattel Hannah Montana vibrator that they could buy a new Xbox 3. Reports from the floor, according to the store manager, say that his last words were: 'Don't forget to check out our big toy sale on today!!!"

Too heavy? So sorry.

Consumerism is a disease, Wal-Mart is merely is merely one of its most grotesque, most virulent, most toxic, and most visible symptoms.

I believe people should be able to pretty much buy what they want and need. But I believe that government and industry have become less than circumspect about helping people learn to tell the difference between the two.

But hey, people die in the service of the economy all the time. Hell, my job depends on it.

And I'd be so goddam happy if, just once, I didn't have anything to write about.

In other news, the National Football League has announced that in order to compete with Wal-Mart, they've decided to jazz up the game: Teams will be wearing actual armour and will battle for control of the ball with edged weapons.