A Clarification

On my last post I expressed that I wasn't sure how news of Webster Cook's theft (or misappropriation if you prefer) of a communion wafer became public knowledge.

It turns out that a member of the congregation stopped him as he tried to sneak out with it and asked him for it back. When he refused, she tried to grab it back, but he apparently bravely fought his way free, clutching his prize.

"When I received the Eucharist, my intention was to bring it back to my seat to show him," Cook said. "I took about three steps from the woman distributing the Eucharist and someone grabbed the inside of my elbow and blocked the path in front of me. At that point I put it in my mouth so they'd leave me alone and I went back to my seat and I removed it from my mouth."

A church leader was watching, confronted Cook and tried to recover the sacred bread. Cook said she crossed the line and that's why he brought it home with him.

For my Avid Fans who may not know: it is not unusual for churches to have the ushers watching for precisely the sort of stupidity Cook comitted.

Because though they are far outnumbered by their fellow-delusionists who follow other religions, there are such deluded fools as devil-worshippers. Not many, but enough. And one thing the Catholic Church has had to do is keep careful track of hosts.

Because Satanists, and members of other sects, including, I have it personally, Protestants and similar heretics (Isn't religion a terrific unifying force? You can just feel it doing you good, cantcha?), like to take hosts for purposes other than simply eating them.

Just in case you worry that ol' Metro has gone off the deep end with all this talk of Satanists and devil worshippers, let me restate my position on religious faiths of all natures: They're all nucking futs.

But they exist, and that's how Cook came to public notice.