A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

23 June 2008

Sometimes There Are Only Seven Appropriate Words

Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits.

I used to think he was god. Then I began to understand how he would have mocked me for that.

One of his remarks that I've always enjoyed stemmed from an early arrest:
I got arrested for saying shit in a town where the number-one game is called craps!
In between episodes of shredding the socio-political fabric, he did lighter work:I remember him as Mr. Conductor, after Ringo left. And of course I saw him in this (didn't everyone?):

My all time favourites from him were the throwaway little "things you never see/hear."

  • You never see a big fat tall Chinese guy with red hair.
  • You never hear someone say "Hand me that piano."
  • You never see a wheelchair with a roll bar.

  • And of course, the legendary:

    Here's something no-one has ever heard, ever:

    "As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass I'm going to chop my dick off!"

    You know why you never heard that? Right! Cause nobody ever SAID that!

    I am the first person in the history of the world to put those words together in that particular order
    The world is a slightly tawdrier and cheaper place with him out of it.

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    At 10:29 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

    It is a profoundly sad day, Metro-Man. Carlin was the best of all. The very best. I still have your cassette. I'm not giving it back.

    Yours in true comedic sorrow,


    At 4:10 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

    Is that "Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics?"

    I'm coming for it, man. Better put it in the post now and avoid the unpleasantness that must necessarily follow.

    At 7:02 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I haven't been this sad over the passing of a celebrity since Jim Henson died.
    I really loved his way of looking at the world and being able to point out how ridiculous we are.
    I still have your book. I'm not giving it back.


    At 1:36 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

    You bastard.

    Henson had his soul transferred to the Yoda puppet, which is why they didn't use it in the second set of films. It kept squealing "George! Effing it all up you are!"

    At 4:51 p.m., Blogger Lori said...

    Guys, seriously, return his stuff soon...I can't hold him back much longer!


    Carlin was always the grooviest thing in any movie...


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