Metroblog

A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

25 June 2008

Have You Heard the Good News? #1

No, Dubya isn't going out hunting with L'etat, c'est Dick.

I've been surfing the atheist blogosphere: Crunchy nutrition for the mind. But a post somewhere out there reminded me of this story:

You may have been awakened by that nine-o'clock knock on the door, the morning after the night before. And on your doorstep are two people in suspiciously nice suits, unless they're Seventh-Day-Adventists, who seem to send a trio of hot teen babes alla time. It's so disappointing, 'cos they don't even eat pork, so what are the odds for getting the three of them slippery and naked in the hot tub anyway? Though I advise my Avid Fans (both of them) that it never hurts to ask, once you've seen some ID.

They usually have a question-begging question, such as: "Do you ever wonder about where we're heading?" (My favourite answer is "No, but I can call the home and get someone to pick you up"--but I confess I have yet to use it). They want to come in and explain in detail, with pictures.

I used to try to put them off by answering the door in my underwear. However, I noticed that they seemed to show up more often. I was 18, still pretty lithe, and didn't understand a lot about religious "hatred" for teh gay.

Later on I tried answering the door wrapped in a black blanket and saying "Did you bring the goat?" But that only got me stared at longingly in a way that suggested that those clean-cut boys really missed my tighty-whities.

However, some time ago a friend of mine discoved the cure for Jehovah's Witnesses. He invited them in, and listened to the spiel awhile ("Do you ever wonder where we're going?" et al).

When they got to the bit about how Jesus lightens your burdens and makes your daily tasks easy, he became inspired. He jumped up and said: "Yes! I've experienced that too! I get that all the time!"

Naturally they asked where he thought the feeling came from.

"Well," he said "I'm a little reluctant to say this. When I talk about it to my friends they act like I'm some kind of weirdo ..."

After a few minutes like this, repeatedly assured by the JWs that they understood and would accept his assertion non-judgementally, he said:

"Have you guys ever heard of Amway?"

4 Comments:

At 10:36 PM, OpenID archiearchive said...

Oh yes! That is so much better than the rather bland "No myths and superstitions in this house" I tend to use. And I may take up the cape idea - except I would be asking for a virgin - - -

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger Metro said...

I would happily send you a virgin to sacrifice, could I but find one.

I'll ask Raincoaster if she's available.

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger MichaelW said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:35 PM, Blogger Metro said...

michaelw:

I believe Raincoaster already warned you about spamming in the comments, no?

Don't do it.

 

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