Mandatory Paddy Post

For St. Patrick's Day and in honour of the fine folk who gave rise to humanity's fairest flower (which would, as I'm sure you'd agree, be my noble self):

Having arrived in New York, Paddy got a job in a big downtown office. During his first week there he noticed that suddenly, between noon and two p.m., the office emptied out completely.

One day about noon, a fellow employee poked his head over Paddy's cubicle wall and said:
"Paddy--You're new here, so I guess nobody's told you yet. You don't have to sit there working away all afternoon, you can do what everyone else does."

"What does everbody else do?" Paddy inquired.

"Well it's like this, see: Each day at noon, the boss takes off. Now he pretends he's going to lunch, but everybody knows he's got a girl stashed away somewhere. And he's never back 'till two. So everyone takes off. Some of us go sink a few at the pub, some of us go for nine holes of golf, and some of us," here the co-worker leered and winked "go home for a quickie."

"Wal," said Paddy, "I might just give that a try."

So the next day, Paddy shuffled out and into the lift with all the other workers. He went to the underground parking lot, got in his car, drove out and thence home. He arrived, and was surprised to see a shiny Lexus parked in the driveway. He crept to the door and let himself in silently. He slipped off his shoes and tiptoed up the stairs to the bedroom, then he pulled the door open.

There in the bed he saw his wife, entertaining his boss with such energy and vigour that neither party noticed the dejected husband standing there. Silently, he closed the door, let himself out of the house, and drove back to work.

The next day, a co-worker said: "Hey Paddy, when the boss takes off at lunch, there's a bunch of us going down to the pub. Want to come along?"

"No," said Paddy, "I'm not going anywhere ..."

"I damn near got caught yesterday!"