I've Been Away, O Avid Fans

You might not have noticed. Perhaps your lives are like mine, and you were first caught up in the flurry of activity that is Christmas in This Modern World. What with rehearsals at three to the week or more, trying to find time to entertain one's guests--or at least distract Raincoaster before she guzzles all the vodka ... It was, by the way, a vain effort. But next year I intend to repeat the trick of rinsing out the Stoli bottle and filling it from the plastic gallon jug I got for five bucks at the duty-free.

Between all this activity, the tiki bar New Year's party, and that annoying timewaster called "work", I found my blogging time shortly curtailed. Worse yet, my workplace now has "the mothership". It apparently watches all we do. I still do a little social networking and play Desktop Tower Defence because I can honestly claim that A) I'm doing it on my coffee and lunch breaks, and B) It is in no way harmful, but in fact forms part of a normal, relaxed, healthy work/life balance. So if it's really an issue, they'll hopefully let me off with a caution.

But the blogging, not so much. I have to revamp my style entirely. Instead of popping in periodically to post whatever percolates through my pons, I now have to post carefully, with forethought and care. I expect this to have a salutary effect on quality, but quantity is likely to drop, somewhat.

So what sorts of things am I working on posting about?

Well we're entering the silly season that is the US presidential races. I believe that should get a little attention. Particularly since we have only ten more months until the current US president vanishes into whatever fetid fever swamp he emerged from. After all, the country south of here is full of Americans, and they are deprived of the CBC, so the only reliable news they get is from bloggers and NPR. Not to mention that too many of my countrypersons tend to say either "Why should I care," or worse: "I really like the sound of this Ron Paul guy ..."

Short form: you need to watch carefully so that A) we never elect another George-Bush-lite like the Wrong Honourable (though he'd probably prefer me to spell that "honorable") Stephen Harper and B) because depending on who gets elected, you may wish to invest in a fallout shelter now and avoid the rush. As to the second statement ... Ron Paul is a dangerous loon, but I'd ask any Paulie stumbling across this blog to hold your fire until after I prove my points by posting. Probably next week.

The US recession is here. Why should Canadians care? Well when your biggest export market and second-biggest trading partner takes a dive because of incompetent federal mismanagement, you need to start uncoupling the wagons so that the horses can gallop themselves off the cliff without you. We need to take a careful look at the shape of this nation's economy, and when the US zigs, be ready to zag a little.

The nuclear watchdog scandal. This just keeps getting better. The government of "Mr. Accountability" first tries to run roughshod over the independant body put in place to make sure our government couldn't just order workers to violate nuclear safety rules, then freaks out when it does its job and stops them. Now the minister in charge has just outed himself for the authoritarian jackass he's trying so hard to be ... heck, if this doesn't lead to a resignation it'll practically guarantee the federal liberals the next election.

Especially if the idiots in charge don't get themselves on board Canada's favourite hobby horse: the environment. You see, unlike the theoretical economist theoretically governing this country with the reluctant consent of a minority of the governed, most Candians can do simple sums, especially when many of their towns are still natural-resource-based. The sum is this: Air + more crap = even more crap in the air. It's simple math. But unfortunately the sum that Harper & Cro are thinking of runs like this: Air - crap = less corporate donations. Simple, you see? However, there's another sum they need to consider: Air + more crap = fewer votes.

Oh, and finally, from the entertainment section: No Britney! I don't care that her trailer-trash mom has had a book on how to parent if you want your kids to be millionaire drunken sluts ghostwritten for her. Of course it was ghosted. D'you think she can write? Hell, she can't even spell "Brittany"! I don't care that her sister was so stupid she managed to get preggers and waste all the screenwriting effort that went into her daft TV show. And I care in negative numbers about what the sodding hell that faux "Doctor" Phil thinks might be wrong with everyone's favourite trainwreck. If possible, this will be my last post containing the stupid tramp's name. I say "if possible" because she might do something sufficiently entertaining as to deserve a mention (marry her dominatrix, experience an amusing incident involving a beer bottle, a joint, some gasoline and the words "Hey--y'all watch this!", etc).

Mme Metro (for whom I eternally thank the FSM) says to stop typing now, and that less is more.

It's way too late for less, though.

So I just hope you all survived the holidays as well as we did (with the exception that I hope you did way better than we did at sending out Christmas cards and gifts), and I hope you'll pop by. I'll try to keep the posts reliable, readable, and above all, shorter than this one. We should be in for a great year.

I'm performing in a play on and off through the next couple of weeks, so I'll try to get back to you around next Wednesday. See you then!