Well I Can't Say I Wasn't Warned

Metro has travelled overseas on several occasions, and underseas more than once too. And in the course of such travel he has sometimes received wise advice regarding personal hygiene and such. "Don't drink the water", "Ask for clean sheets", and suchlike sentiments.

Alas, clearly I have followed these directions insufficiently well. Let me explain:

I went on holiday to a small island in the Pacific. Lest my Avid Fans (all three of them) jump to hasty conclustifications, let me state that there were no coconut trees, but the nice thing about Arbutus trees is that they shed their skin-like bark, rather than 10-lb lumps of fiber and milk.

While it is difficult or near-impossible to drink pina coladas from Arbutus bark, one is also unlikely to be concussed by it.

Present on this Island was a random assortment of the Metrofamilias Metroii including nieces, future niece/nephew, siblings, in-laws, and parents of various types.

Once a year, the parental generation awakens to a strange pull, beckoning them north from the rocky shores of Canada and sending them to the rocky shores of this other part of Canada. This year their descendants, some of whom have recently become the present generation of parents, joined them. For some three days there was fun, frolic, and lumpy sandcastles. On day four I returned to mainland Canada, where I spent the night.

O Avid Fan, I cannot fathom what I did wrong. I showered, I shaved. The sheets upon which I slept seemed reasonably clean. And as a precaution I had myself deloused before returning home.

Yet somehow, despite all my very best precautions, I have managed to return home with a dose of Raincoasters. I am deeply embarrassed. I will help the civil authorities burn down Vancouver on Friday as a precaution against regional infection.

One of the creatures has, in fact, taken up residence Chez Metro and no amount of gin has thus far shifted it. We have successfully managed to confine it in a spare bedroom. And while it slept we evacuated the house. But I fear the damage is done and the cats will have to be shaved and wear those little radar-dish collars for weeks. The exterminator said he was busy, but agreed to forward the case to the Men In Black for immediate attention when he heard what we were dealing with.

Mme Metro has been patient and understanding throughout. But in unguarded moments I can see the naked contempt in her face at my unfortunate condition.

Meantime I have a clever plan to lure the Raincoaster to a local body of water. It may perhaps decide to make this its home. Yes, I know the risk to the environment, but I feel it's all for the best really.

Whistles a few bars of "Born Free"

And in case it doesn't work out in the long term I am planting coconut trees on the shoreline.