Metroblog

A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

13 June 2007

Post #702, Stilletta's Meme

The second meme I've had dangling about my neck is the "5,7,8 or possibly 19 Weird Things" meme inflicted upon me by Stilletto Girl, I think. What the hell did I ever do to her? And does anyone have the pictures?

1) I have been hit by cars while riding a bicycle on three occasions; never while wearing a helmet, and fortunately never at a speed much greater than walking pace.

2) I was abandoned as a child and raised by a tribe of mimes, who taught me their beautiful language. Since I did not speak aloud until I was 17, I have a runcible accent. If I hang around with anyone awhile I eventually start using their expressions and colloquialisms, and pronounciation. When I returned from Australia, my friends had to put up with "mate" for months.

3) I spent my grade 12 year collecting the locks used by my school to seal the vacant lockers and storing them in another full-length vacant locker. I think I had about 200--they half-filled my storage space. On the last day of school I was clearing out my own locker when the custodian found that one locker remained locked. Since no student's name was assigned to it, he had to get the principal to watch while he cut the lock off.

When he did, and the locks tumbled out in a silver pile, the principal turned and looked straight at me. I still don't know for certain whether he knew it was me, but he suspected, oh yes, he suspected.

4) I am engaged in a constant covert battle with the forces of darkness, who manifest themselves in the form of enormous talking humanoid turtles, often at shopping malls. I have mounted a stealth campaign, and it's a rare day that passes without me dragging another sad, empty shell to the dumpster. They are simple creatures, for all their deadly ninja skill, and easily lured with pizza.

5) Not sure if it's weird, but I don't have lucid dreams anymore. Bit sad, really. I miss them tremendously.

6) I have the world's largest collection of non-collectible things. I collect only single samples of any example of the genre. Because these things are non-collectible, they are very rare, and thus extremely valuable. Not, however, valuable enough to make them collectible, which is good because it keeps the price of items low enough to make my collection affordable.

7) I have now been restoring the same car for approximately 15 years, with what are best described as limited results. But it keeps me off the streets. Literally.

8) The fillings in my teeth are custom made from the machine heads for which Deep Purple's sixth album was named. I acquired them from Joe Satriani in a guitar duel. Hah! All he did was stand there and play notes and stuff, and yeah, it was very impressive. But I figure why call it a guitar duel if no-one gets traumatically injured by a guitar, eh?

Have a slightly off-kilter and surreal day now, y'all.

2 Comments:

At 10:16 PM, Blogger Lori said...

Having the in-laws over for dinner is a quiet affair.

Life with Metro, on the other hand, is rather noisier.

 
At 9:30 AM, Blogger Metro said...

<--!Silently mimes a fifteen-stanza love poem made toward Mme, who alas, can never comprehend the joy and beauty found in the original translation from the language of the Mimes.>

 

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