A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

25 April 2007

God Doesn't Want Me to Exercise

Okay, so lately it's been harder to keep up with the physical activities. What with five nights of theatre per week and all the things I need to do in between. But there are some signs that a Higher Power has set itself against you.

For example, when one is beginning the sixth one-minute shift of a run-walk program, heading around the track for the ninth lap, feeling terrific because the end of the workout is in sight and you just know you're gonna make it.

And something in the meaty part of your calf--the bit the cannibal would draw dotted lines around and drizzle with demi-glaze--goes *twang*.

Two days later, having immediately limped home and iced and rested and all that crap, you head out the door to go to the gym: no roadwork, you're still resting the leg. Because it feels better and you know that means the injury is just lurking 'round the corner ready to flare up again.

On the way out the door you pick up the recycling bin, which is a teeny bit heavier than usual (and I do mean just a few kilos).

And something in your lower back goes *twang*.

Clearly the FSM wants me to play poker online this morning.


At 7:33 a.m., Anonymous PJ said...

You're not old enough to be 'twanging' yet!

At 7:37 a.m., Anonymous archie said...

Perhaps you should give upon the FSM who obviously is against your exersize and become, instead, an adherent of the NDL who insists that you frolic! In fact he insists that you, "Frolic on the rooftops, tango on the streets; marimba in the mountains, and dance on the sheets."

At 8:23 a.m., Anonymous azahar said...

How old are you, Metro?

In all seriousness, running is usually a seriously crap and ultimately unhealthy and abusive form of exercise for those of us who aren't very young and haven't yet fucked up our lower backs and knees. My lower back got fucked up quite early on in life though I kept insisting that I could run - my body finally won that argument.

There are lots of other healthy calorie-burning things you could be doing - why not look into those?

Power-walking might be a good substitute for running.

You don't have to be old to 'twang' - but you should listen to what your body is trying to tell you.

At 10:28 a.m., Blogger Metro said...

Y'know, I really must write a letter to those Olay people someday ...

The FSM will forgive you your blasphemy. Me, no. But since religious war is one of the "I'd Rather You Didn't"-s, I may have to try frolicing anyway.

Certainly I like the idea of that sheet dancing thing. That IS meant to be a "t" rather than a "p" at the end--after all, I must remember that you live in Western Australia.

Don't you read this blog? I'm sure I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm mumble-mumble years old ...

I first blew out my back stretching to haul a 50-pound battery out of a truck. Since then I seem to have one or two episodes per year.

But usually the cause is plain, and exercise helps. My last job was hauling oil drums full of waste oil filters and antifreeze around, and I don't recall once having a back strain in 18 months, partly because you're so aware of the dangers in a job like that.

But the summer I slang garbage for a living, I popped something while reaching for a recycling box that left me immobile on the couch for four days.

So perhaps I've got it wrong--maybe the FSM is against paper recycling for some reason?

And I walk whenever I can, and when the guilt at the enjoyment I get from my filthy little scooter overwhelms me.

At 7:55 a.m., Anonymous PJ said...

Better a scooter than an SUV...


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