Metroblog

A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

27 February 2007

A Dead Dog Can Teach You New Tricks

My buddy has an unspellable, barely-pronounceable last name; something to do with ancestry. And his first name is common as muck. So it is understandable that he should have been casting about the internet for a new moniker.

As luck and the Canadian Broadcasting Company would have it, he was fortunate enough to discover the Dead Dog Cafe Authentic Indian Name Generator.



From Jasper Friendly Bear and Gracie Heavy Hand over at the DDC comedy show, this handy service makes assigning unique and screamable-at-the-top-of-your-lungs names to your offspring as easy as tanning moose hides. In my case I deliberately obfuscated the results after my initial result gave me "GleNn EaGLe SpeLling"

My buddy, Common Unpronounceable, now rides the prairie as:

Drago Whispering Moth

Some improvement, enit?

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8 Comments:

At 11:06 PM, Anonymous azahar said...

Beatrice Wholesome Sinew? Ewww.

Anyhow, shouldn't it be called The Authentic Native First Nation Canadian Aborigine Name?

 
At 2:13 AM, Anonymous raincoaster said...

"Pearl Genuine Pullover"

When did Pullovers ever roam free?

Also, what az said. Don't wanna get busted like those guys in Canadian Bacon.

 
At 6:50 AM, Anonymous Daniel Superb Eagle said...

@Az: clearly there are still a few bugs in the system.

@Raincoaster: uncannily accurate, isn't it?

As for the use of the word "Indian", it appears only once here, in the name of the generator, which I was not responsible for generating.

And also, it's okay to use the word Indian(either North American Indian or Indian from India) if you, in fact, ARE an Indian.

And am I an Indian, you ask? Well, look at my name.

 
At 8:00 AM, Anonymous azahar said...

I was just being ironic (and moronic - check out that typo!). My grandmother was Cree so I reckon I can call myself part Indian if I like and not have to resort to the constantly changing PC nonsense names they keep coming up with. So there.

When they came up with Canadian Aboriginal that was it for me. Has it been shortened to CanAb yet?

 
At 3:47 PM, Anonymous PJ said...

"Pearl Preemptive Hedgehog"

((stomps away))

 
At 12:05 AM, Anonymous raincoaster said...

I call bullshit. There are no hedgehogs in North America except the feral ones from people who bought theirs from pet shops, high on fumes from playing Sonic and then let them go in the woods when the wee buggers turned out vicious.

 
At 6:21 AM, Anonymous azahar said...

Not to mention the feral pullovers, probably polyester.

 
At 7:14 AM, Anonymous Metro said...

The Canadian pullover once thundered in mighty herds across the plains. It was an animal renown for its soft wool and handy pockets. It is thought to be related to the wool-bearing kangaroo of Australia, the wooly jumper.

The Canadian hedgehog is descended from polar bears that became stranded on ice floes. As the floes drift south, they melt and shrink, and the polar bears with them. The polar bears also shed layers of fur until, at last, the tiny floe butts up against some southern beach, bearing the actual creature that dwells inside the layers.

Since we don't want anyone to know, we re-named it the hedgehog.

The polyester, however, is a parakeet native to the what in the 17th century were sometimes called the "Ester" Isles, and are not native to Canada.

 

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