Metroblog

A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

28 December 2006

POTC 2.0


Hi, how's everyone? Did you have a happy Christmas?

I always do. Even the year when I spent Xmas at what is now the Travelcenters of America truckstop in Ontario, California, though it didn't seem like a load of fun on the day, I can tell you.

No matter what anyone wishes to say about religion or about consumerism, I believe the season has a deep and true meaning. Admittedly it may be stronger in the Christian Western tradition than elsewhere, but I think everyone gets it, sorta, within their own traditions.

Christmas is a season of hope. Whether expressed by brightly-wrapped parcels, a faith that someone who's been dead two thousand years will be back in this one, or just a vague sense of optimism despite the current burning world, there is hope.

We'll talk in more detail about that later. Right now I want to wish all the best to my Avid Fans as the New Year approaches. I'm sure I have at least three these days.

Oh yeah, I'm trying to make changes to the blog without making resolutions--ideas are welcomed. All ideas.

Pirates of the Carribean: A New Hope


Mme Metro and I just saw the end of Matrix of the Carribean II, and the beginning, and the middle. Another "moviemakers-surprised-by-success-of-first-effort-struggle-to-create-a-trilogy-from-a-single-story" film.

All it needed was a mysterious super-powerful weirdo that they had to go visit right at the end of the film, who would ask them to make a choice regarding saving their friend and give us a cliffhanger ending to ensure that we'd come back ... No, I'm kidding. It has that too.

Davy Jones was unconvincing. The disgraced Commodore Norrington was unneccesary. Jack Sparrow wasn't as funny or interesting. Keira Knightly held the film together, in fact, which tells one all one wishes to know.

Now they leave us with a dead Captain reborn and Han Solo--sorry, I mean Jack Sparrow, in The Belly of the Beast.

In the next film, Liz Swann will turn out to be Willy Turner's long-lost twin; They'll have to blow up a giant death star--sorry, I mean squid ... and I forsee a scene with the Mssrs Turner senior and junior:

Bootstrap Bill: Will, help me get these barnacles off. I want to see you with my own eyes.
Will: (weeping) I'll not leave you, father.
Meanwhile the rest of the crew will be partying with the Island Cannibals.

In another twenty years we can look for Pirates of the Carribean Episode I. In which we learn why Davy Jones became a twisted monster who wears a squid for a mask it begins with his childhood on a desert island.

Verdict: POTC II was darker than the last film, and not as much fun.

The one-off success of the original Pirates raised my expectations. I had previously, and in light of the execrable Country Bears movie, reasonably, expected it to be a turd. But it was terrific. Light-hearted, most of the death was actually necessary, it was upbeat, and the main character was this Jeff-Spicoli-meets-Pippi-Longstocking kinda dude.

But unlike the Matrix, Disney pretended it had planned a trilogy all along. So I wasn't as prepared for let-down. Still, hearts were broken, mysteries were 'ravelled, and buckle was swashed like blazes. So as the last new film I'm likely to watch this year, it was okay.

But I'm still waiting for the film version of the best pirate book since Treasure Island: The Pyrates.

5 Comments:

At 5:47 p.m., Anonymous raincoaster said...

Oh come on! Norrington is hawt, now that he doesn't have that stick up his ass. But the movie was indeed pretty crappy. It was just what it was meant to be, pretty filler. But, more importantly:

NOT ENOUGH KRACKEN!

 
At 11:29 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

Judging from your spelling of "Kraken" I suspect there's plenty of kracken your neighbourhood. You may be kracken up, in fact.

 
At 12:33 a.m., Anonymous raincoaster said...

I'm in Ontario, FFS! My calamari levels are dangerously low!

 
At 6:58 a.m., Blogger Metro said...

Is that a metaphor for something?

 
At 11:18 a.m., Blogger Philipa said...

I'm on a see-food diet too.

I thought Pirates 2 was stodge and in the 2nd installment took on all the verve and imagination of the 5th book in the Dune trilogy - ie. what can we string together to make a buck while they've an appetite for this shit. I like the English bloke that ended up in the pig poo better in 'Coupling' but then I did always fancy Jeff the most so my taste in men is quite obviously a bit... erm... eclectic??

For a bird with no breasts I thought the tart in the bodice filled it out quite knightly.

 

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