Metroblog

A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

12 November 2006

New Camera Feature Helps North Americans Maintain State of Denial


Lose weight without diet--without exercise--without drugs. Without in fact doing anything at all! Lose weight photographically!

First fat clothes, then fat aisles at supermarkets. Now a camera that removes pounds . HP and Pentax are flogging a feature that lets you avoid all that tiresome photoshopping while still allowing you to make your high-school friends jealous.

Next year: cameras that turn brunettes blonde, make your skin paler, reshape your nose in harmony with aesthetic principles and give you bigger tits/packages. It will be released just in time for the Oscars.

HP is said to be acquiring the rights to "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue", as well.

Experts predict absolutely no impact on internet chat rooms.

I just had a thought: logically speaking, if you took a picture of Mary-Kate Olsen, wouldn't she vanish?

2 Comments:

At 3:24 p.m., Anonymous PJ said...

I saw that camera ad! Their camera will narrow the width of the photo disproportionate to the height. I guess it's fine, if you don't mind having a looooong thin tall head, and having your car look like a Smart car.

 
At 10:58 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

Apparently it has a lot to do with how far away the subject is, plus a bunch of other stuff that doesn't apply to "point-shoot-and-if-I-don't-recognize-anyone-it-goes-out" camera artists like me.

 

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