A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

10 November 2006

Just to Prove Cat Owners Are Stupid Too

Member of the BC Legislative Assembly Scott Fraser wants the antifreeze that poisoned his cat banned in favour of new, (and about twice-as-expensive) less-toxic kinds.

This is so completely £µ©λed. It's hard to know where to begin.

Uh--Scott? Assuming you had him confined to the house, as a "responsible" owner would--why'd you leave the anti-freeze out in the first place, you daftie?

Was Andre in in fact your house Mr. Fraser? Your yard? Or were you "responsible" for letting him roam the neighbourhood at will--pissing and $#!77ing freely on your neighbours' properties and terrorizing the local bird and small animal population? And able to enjoy the odd garbage can, milk dregs, or dish of antifreeze?

Don't be sad though--you can go get another cat from the hordes the SPCA has to kill every year because affectionate, "responsible" cat-lovers can't be bothered spaying or neutering their pets. I assume the late lamented Andre had had his spark plugs off?

Rather than regulating anti-freeze, regulate pets. In the meantime, blow me. But if you're going to try to make the world safe for cats, why not make some real laws: Mandatory spay-or-neuter laws. Mandatory keep-Tiddles-under-control laws. Stuff like that.

Or are you going to press for a ban on automobiles because so many people's responsibly-kept pets get turned into pussy rugs every year while they're out creating the next generation of glove liners?

"Two ounces of ethylene glycol antifreeze can kill a dog, one teaspoon can kill a cat, and two tablespoons can be hazardous to children," says Fraser's bill.

I'd like to thank you for that information, Scott. I've been putting it out in saucers at 1/2 a litre apiece. This'll be a great savings.

"Even if you don't like pets, everyone has friends and loved ones that do have pets," said Fraser.

Yup. And those friends and loved ones need to learn to behave responsibly and keep control of their personal choices.

But don't worry too much about the spaying/neutering issue, Mr. Fraser. I've just found a way to make money off of the kittens.

I've got to get started; Christmas is coming and they make great gifts!


At 7:13 a.m., Blogger Philipa said...

Hi Metro - I'm giving the comments things another go so wish me luck when I press 'login and publish'.

As a lifelong cat lover and cat owner I would just like to say - yes, completely £u@k&d. Someone tried to sell me pet insurance once and they started with 'what would you do if tiddles/bonzo/fluffy was injured?' I answerd that I'd have the poor animal put down and get another one. 'But what about the children?' the horrified salesman countered? 'Don't worry' I reassured him 'I wouldn't put the children down'.

By the way, kittens make great gifts if, after you have them stuffed, you put a pencil sharpener up their ar$e - it makes a novel desk ornament.

There's a shop in Portsmouth docks that actually sells dead cats. No, really. Their called 'ships cats' and come in a choice of colours. Actually I have a book called 101 uses of a dead cat. It's most informative.

Hope you pop by my place again Metro - I especially like to read your comments on Fortean Faith but you're completely forgiven if you don't want to tackle the 'Intelligent design vs evolution' post. However I'd quite like your opinion on whether politicians should define our national identity on Fortean Times if you have a moment to let us know your thoughts on this? Hope so.
Stay well, all best.

At 9:39 a.m., Blogger Metro said...

Mme Metro and I were just surfing the 10lbs of future recycled Christmas wrap delivered to our doorstep as flyers.

Among the promotions are "Pet Pyjamas". Yep, they are now actually flogging something that is actually the cat's pyjamas.

I do get by FT and FF, but I find as my blogroll grows that I have to ration my visits. And lately my boss seems to be trying my limits, so work interferes continually for at least eight hours per day.

I'll be there in a while. Looking forward to it.

At 11:24 a.m., Anonymous raincoaster said...

I disagree that cats should be indoors; if the cat is raised with going outside, it shouldn't be a problem to let them out. There are too many obese cats dying of heart attacks because they never get any exercise.

But I agree that the suggested law is screwed up. If the cat could get into the antifreeze, so could a child, but let's get real: we cannot ban all toxins, we can only legislate that they be safely contained and disposed of. People with the toxins have to take responsibility; and by the way, according to Canadian standards even nail polish should be disposed of as a hazardous material. The only reason it's escaped the law so far is that it's sold in such small units, although still large enough to be fatal.

Philipa, I live in Chinatown. We can get COATS made of cat if we want.

At 1:21 p.m., Blogger Philipa said...

Chinatown huh? Unfortunate joke about the rats then - no rats in chinatown. My sister bought me a beautiful pair of rabbit fur lined leather gloves in dove grey. I took them off for a moment to look at a rucksack on a market stall and when I reached down to pick them up they'd been nicked. They nicked the wheels off the car and left it belly down on the drive. The only thing people won't nick here are toxins - those they either drink, sniff or light with a match. Ah the gently green and pleasant land of crime-ridden Britain. They banned bleach from hospitals on the grounds of health and safety so we're all dying of MRSA. Hmn, how much are tickets to canada?

At 1:46 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

Don't run for Canada. We have entire new families of bacteria flourishing in our hospitals--no joke. Montreal has its very own strep bacteria.

RC, I see a harmonious solution to our disagreement on the proper location for cats: Allow cats to wander loose--but only in Chinatown.

Of course I may stop eating there.

At 1:47 p.m., Anonymous raincoaster said...

Less than three hundred pounds if you get a sale. But don't let them send you to Labrador. It is the land God gave to Cain.

At 2:05 p.m., Blogger Philipa said...

My cat has stopped by to say hello, she's a black cat (say nothing) and is very well trained. My friend said my pets and my men are extremely well trained, the only wild things in the house are me and the kids. Well what can I say??!

('men' plural, ha! That's going back a bit, still I didn't like to correct him.)

You have your own bacteria? Eew! Name dropper, all we've got is Madonna.

At 2:53 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

Does anyone actually fly to Labrador except on Exercise Boxtop? (Top secret Canadian military exercise designed to ensure that if our enemies are crazy enough to try and pursue us, they'll freeze to death)

'Pip: You've had plural men--What happened? Separation surgery? And since when has a woman been able to resist the impulse to correct a man?

Can you help me teach my wife? Oh--and any bloggers I might find handy.

The reason you've got Madge is that we got first pick.

At 5:54 p.m., Anonymous raincoaster said...

Whistler has its own strain of genital warts. Let no-one say Canada is unfriendly!

At 6:10 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

I thought that was due to the abundance of friendly foreigners "coming together to create something unique". Or is that no longer the civic motto?

At 3:34 p.m., Anonymous PJ said...

"Mandatory spay-or-neuter laws" -- hear, hear! I clipped out an article from the Sunday Province about this topic, and not just because I burst out laughing at the opening sentence: "I love Buster Kitten, so I'm chopping his nuts off."

The SPCA in Canada and the States recommend that all cats be raised indoors. Outdoor-roaming cats have a much shorter life expectancy, and are vulnerable to catfights, dog attacks, ticks, lice, fleas and rabies. I nursed 2 kittens through ringworm once, it was not worth letting them poop in the neighbour's garden.


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