General Delivery, The Atlantic Coast

A New Jersey man found over 300 letters addressed to "God" washed up on the beach. Most of the letters were sent to a minister who's been dead for a couple of years.

Many are wrenching--a teenage girl trying to get past her abortion, a man asking to win the lottery--twice, and a man senteced to 18-54 years for a crime he claimed he didn't commit.

No reports on whether God responded. Certainly the late Reverend Grady Cooper obviously did not open them.

Interestingly, early reports say that the finder, Bill Lacovara, was "planning to keep them, then maybe throw them out". Others though, seem to say that Lacovara feels God forwarded him these letters with the object of making him some moolah. He's apparently decided to put the anguish, gratitude and pain of 300-plus strangers on eBay. What a thoughtful guy.

Of course, if you're one of the victims--like the teenager asking for "forgiveness for 'killing one of your angels'--you could always make sure to put in the winning bid.

Reminds me of something ... Ah yes--that's it!

I hope Lacovara has a little human decency and burns the stack. Meantime:

Dear God:

I have a teensy, tiny little favour I wanted to ask. It seems like a mighty big job for me, but to you it's easy, 'cos you're like, omnipotent and stuff--y'know that 6/49 thing? Could you just think about me winning it? I don't really want the money--you can read my mind like Mr. Spock and you know that. If you look in my heart (please don't touch my pacemaker--you might set it off) you'll see how I want it so I can help those poor ladies at the car wash. They're so poor they have to buy their bikinis one piece at a time! So I was thinking that if I had a big old limosine or a Rolls-Royce then I could always get it washed and they could work hard and I could give them a big tip so they could get more bikinis.

I also want to help world peace, and maybe get me one of those cute African babies Madonna and Angelina Jolie got. So maybe you'd better make me win it two times, eh? Just to be on the safe side.

Thanks,

Metro