Metroblog

A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

14 October 2006

We Interrupt This Broadcast

Don't worry, we'll get back to our muttons in a minute. But I'm punchy from lack of sleep and fighting off a cold and this struck me as hilarious!

A woman comes home for lunch to find her husband at the kitchen table looking astounded and unhappy.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she asks.
"I've just come from the doctor's," he replies "The tests came back."

Concern in her eyes the wife moves closer, puts her hand on his arm.
"Is it ... bad?"
He nods.
"The doctor ..."--he chokes on the words--"He said I've got about fifteen hours to live."
Horror-stricken she claps her hands to her mouth, then she sweeps him into her arms.

"My god, honey--what are you going to do?"

A look of determination comes into his eyes. He holds her at arms length and looks at her.

"Well first, I'm going church. I'm going to meditate and pray for a while, and then I'll go and help out at the soup kitchen.

I'm gonna give my last paycheque to the United Way. Then I'm going to go play eighteen holes of golf with my lawyer while I get my will squared away. When we're done I'm gonna buy a drink at the clubhouse for all my friends, and I'm gonna put up a $100 tab for the ones who aren't there.

After a drink or two I'm going to pick up the kids from school. We'll stop at the park to play a little catch, or tag, or just for me to watch them play on the swings. Then you and I and the kids are going for dinner tonight at the swankiest place in town.

After that, we'll come home. I'll tuck the kids in and read them their favourite stories and tuck them into bed and kiss them ... kiss them goodbye.

Then I'm going to come upstairs with a bottle of red wine, and we'll put some music on, and I'm going to make long, slow, passionate love to you all night long like we were twenty-one again. Then as we sip the last of the wine, you and I will climb to the attic window. We'll sit in the big armchair and I'll smoke a cigar as the sun comes up. And then it'll all be over. What do you say to that, eh?"

"Uh, I don't think so." she says.

He's flabbergasted:
"Why not?"

"Well it's all very well for you," she answers "But I gotta be at work in the morning."

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