A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

01 September 2006

So Much To Do Today!

It just hit me that in something over twelve hours from now I'll be sitting down to participate in the 3-Day Novel Contest. And I haven't yet got a clue as to what to write.

My boss figured out that I'm not as burdened with work as she previously thought, so now I am. Most of my work, including the e-zine, is due by EOD (end o'day). So I have no time to blog.

And just when Harper's given me a big fat target, too: He wants to arm the border guards (video here), despite evidence that the issue isn't weaponry but loneliness.

So instead of big-bellied tubs of guts and ego with their heads stuffed with John Wayne, Charlton Heston, Dirty Harry and squirrel $#!7 on one side of the border, we'll now have them on both. How nice.

Those guys from the Department of Fatherland Insanity are, in my experience, overbearing @$$#013$. Like the Gilchrist Minutemen (named for their performance in bed, possibly) only with uniforms. If they lived in Texas they'd have to chin themselves to see over their belt buckles.

And the hogleg on their hip (which compensates for the lack of anything to disturb the gracefully curved line of their strained, bulging-at-the-seams polyester uniform pants) is part of the reason. Their love of duty also has a lot to do with dressing up in tight pants, leather and chrome, is my guess.

Their overweening authority to harrass, hassle and intimidate is another part.

Two years ago I made a truck trip into the States. I was stopped at the border and my passport demanded, despite the fact that I'd checked the Fatherland Insanity website and it was not required of me.

On my honeymoon, the border putz demanded mein papieren. When I mildly protested (having checked that same website and again finding that it was not required) I was told "Well you'll need it to fly to Paris, wontcha?"

One day when I have a lot of time, perhaps I'll return. And when another FI operative leans into my car and says that I'll say "Yeah. But not to get in here, apparently. So can I go now?"

As it was, I had a new wife in the car and places to go. Since then continued experience has brought me to the belief that all such @$$#013$ are trained specifically to make you as uncomfortable and unhappy to have to be entering the US as possible.

It comes as no real suprise that Harper, that most wooden and uncomfortable of men (theoretically, until the lab tests come back) would want to welcome visitors to the greatest country on the face of the Earth with exactly the same attitude.

We don't need guns on our borders. In fact that's one of the reasons the Canada Customs and Revenuers are there--to prevent more of them from coming in.


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