If He'd Showed Up Today He'd be in Gitmo

Kazahk comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, AKA Borat, appeared at the gates of the Alabaster Imperial Palace yesterday, only to be turned away.

From Yahoo! infotainment:

Borat denounced an official Kazakh publicity campaign running in U.S. magazines as "disgusting fabrications" orchestrated by neighboring Uzbekistan.

"If there is one more item of Uzbek propaganda claiming that we do not drink fermented horse urine, give death penalty for baking bagels, or export over 300 tonnes of human pubis per year, then we will be left with no alternative but to commence bombardment of their cities with our catapults,"

In response to this terror threat, the current president ordered Borat, who he described as a "rogue Kazakistanian" detained indefinitely and "interrogated strenuously".

Asked to clarify, Bush said Borat will be forced to listen to Newt Gingrich lectures on CD, in between harmless applications of red-hot irons to his buttocks.

The Kazhak government is reported to be relieved.

"We thought we'd have to come up with a reason to arrest him," said a security apparatus official "But this way is easier."

Indeed, ***'s recent legislation of imperial powers for himself has attracted the admiration of the world:

"Why didn't we think of that?" inquired Hu Jintao, signing detention orders for another group of dissidents "He makes us look legitimate!"

"I extend my admiration," said Vladimir Putin, who was shutting down newspapers critical of his regime.

"One day I want to grow up to be just like him," said president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad "Oh, wait--I already am."

Fidel Castro was less enthusiastic:
"If there's so little difference between us," he mourned "how can I demonize him without improving my own human-rights record?"