Avast Ye Swabs!

What for arrrrre ye runnin' around spewin' yer heathen lingo? D'ye not know that this-here be National Talk Like a Pirate Day?

So drop aft the mainsail and square away yer landlubber tongue. 'Tis not fitting ye should go on with yer cross-grained ways, and we've the tools ta learn yer. Here be a moving picture show what can help even rum-sodden walruses such as yer miserable selves learn the ancient arts of talking like a man with salt in his veins.

If ye still don't feel ready to take on a Spanish Galleon before breakfast, swallow a tot of grog and go claim yer rightful pirate name here {Avast! The original's gone to Davy Jones' Locker--which is number 404.}. 'Twill sort ye out and make ye a real pirate, or my name's not Dry Bone Bronson!

And once yer've sorted out that little detail, dig for yer inner treasure and find out what sort of pirate ye be with this handy (or hook-y) quiz.

What landlubber dares face me now?--For here's my report:

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!


If ye've the guts, leave yer personality result and name in a comment below, ye lily-livered son of a tadpole!

Thanks to that scurvy dog, Dave Barry.