A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

09 August 2006

O Rapture!

Via Raincoaster, the Rapture Index, an apparently serious attempt to tell Jesus when Earth's ready for him to turn up. Again.

Sounds like the "terror alert system", which tells you what level of terror the US government wants you to feel. It comes in a bunch of colours, with the highest threat being red.

Ever heard anyone say that "today's terror alert level is green"?
When was the Rapture Alert Level last at zero?

The other problem, of course, is that all the people who truly believe in this idea of rapture (and smug, self-satisfied people they usually are) have hoodwinked themselves. So let me prick their balloons for them here.

The idea of rapture is that somehow, if you're "saved" (a True gun-totin', fag-hatin', Pat-Robertson-votin' Believer), you get scooped up alive before the Armageddon $#!7 hits the fan. Presumably your car then careens out of control into a school bus, killing all the little children aboard. You then get a box seat while the armies of good and evil fight their way to the end of the world.

But for the moment, god is okay with people making a fast buck off the idea, I guess.

Only one problem: there ain't no such animal as the "Rapture", and no biblical evidence for any. Most of the people who really believe the crapture know only two biblical verses: John 3:16 and Leviticus 18:22. So they're cruising through life believing they have advanced booking on game day and let me tell you--it just ain't so. The Bible clearly states that everyone gets to endure the final war.

If some of these forsaken redneck believers knew that, do you think president ***'d still be lounging on his ass in Texas while Lebanon burns? Or would he, maybe, actually be trying to exert some pressure to stop the killing?

He's a True Believer, though. So deep down he probably hopes this is the beginning of the End.

As for me--you have to ask yourself: Based on what these people tell me, Curt Cobain, Freddy Mercury, Jim Morrison, Ann-Margret, Dorothy Stratten, and Elvis are all probably in hell.

Well maybe not Elvis (for some reason most of the same people who condemn womanising, drug use, dancing and alcohol are united in their velvet-painting worship of a man who practiced all of the above).

On the other hand, heaven gets a bunch of ignorant, high-toned, literal-minded, self-righteous matrons with their sphincters torqued to 90 ft/lbs.

I mean, which one would you pick?

I'm not crapping on Christians--that is, those who walk the talk. My own parents belong to a Christian sect. I'm just doing what I do--crapping on a holier-than-thou mindset that stands against everything that I was ever taught Jesus stood for.

J.C., as I understand it, did not go a bundle on war, generally.


At 6:58 p.m., Blogger Seven Star Hand said...

Understanding the Fatal Flaws in Judeo-Christian-Islamic Prophecy

Hello Metro and all,

Remember the saying that "the truth will set you (and others) free?" How does "opening one's eyes to the truth" relate to "making the blind see again" or "shining the light" or "illuminating a subject?" Notice the inherent symbolism associated with this supposed New Testament "miracle?"

Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness...

Here's the key to proving that the rapture and related expectations are complete nonsense based on the failure to understand (and the purposeful confounding of) the ancient Hebrew symbology used to construct all of these prophecies. Consequently, Christian timelines and interpretations of these prophecies are verifiably wrong on many key points.

Did you ever consider that Christianity is the False Prophet symbolized in the Apocalypse, that Rome (Vatican/Papacy) is the so-called anti-messiah, and Jesus Christ is the false messiah? I have produced stunning and comprehensive proof that this is the true interpretation of pivotal prophecies long confounded by Christianity's founders and leaders. Recasting the symbolism of earlier Hebrew texts as literal events in the New Testament is one of the central deceptions associated with Christianity.

The symbolism of seven years (tribulation, etc.) refers to seven 360-year cycles on the Hebrew calendar. Ezekiel 39.9 is referring to the 10th to 16th cycles inclusive, while the Apocalypse symbolizes the 11th cycle (second temple period) until now, the beginning of the 17th cycle (seventh angel/star/seal, etc.). Greece (Alexander the Great) conquered the Persian Empire and Judea during the 10th cycle and Rome did so again during the 11th cycle. Both Ezekiel and the Apocalypse are symbolizing an overlapping period of time that starts during ancient Judea and ends now. Gog refers to Greco-Romans (...from the "isles"), which means Magog is Eurasia and the "army" that besets "Israel" for seven "years" refers to the activities of the nations of the Greco-Roman/Vatican Empire over the previous two-plus millennia.

It is completely wrong to interpret any of these prophecies as literal timelines and events. Unlike Christian assertions, they symbolize long periods of time, pivotal situations, and the flow of activities during that period. Remember, they were written by ancient Hebrew sages, not Romans or other Europeans, and Revelation is the most symbolic of all prophecies. Consequently, in this context, "years" and "times" are symbols for 360-year cycles on the Hebrew calendar and days symbolize literal years. Therefore "Judgement Day," "Great Day" and "in that day" all refer to a literal year-long period. Accordingly, the so-called "Seven Years Tribulation" began in ancient Judea and is now nearing its end, not starting. The nations and followers of all three faiths of Abraham have been thoroughly deceived by Rome during the previous age, which ended in year 2000 (5760). A new age began in 2001 (5761) and now the seventh angel has begun to sound!

Read the full article below:

Here is Wisdom


At 8:40 p.m., Blogger Metro said...

You had the decency to leave your ID and URl, so respectfully:

This is a very long comment. You might be better directing peoples' attention straight to your own blogs--all three of them--where the heck do you find the time?


I wobble between a lackadaisical Catholicism and atheism. Your writings, while interesting in their own way, don't speak to me.

And were I in Catholic mode today I might take great offense at your assertion that 1) the Catholic Church is the great deceiver of the end times, and 2) That, if I have read your site correctly, specificlly the part that reads:
The author of this book is the long-prophesied Messiah, Lion of the Tribe of Juda, Teacher of Righteousness, and Melchizedek
you yourself claim to be the prophesied messiah.

To which I could only say "time for your meds, dude".

While I accept that the Messiah might go around saving souls electronically, I'd expect stronger proof than an extra-long entry in my comment section.

At 11:14 a.m., Blogger a h m a d said...

Metro, I like your sense of humor. I am still laughing at the last two paragraphs.

At 5:24 p.m., Anonymous raincoaster said...

Man, I need a drink now. HE obviously has had more than enough.


Kurt Cobain is in heaven!!! Laughing at Courtney along with all the rest of us.


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