Metroblog

A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

10 June 2006

Your Friendly Neighborhood Phone Company


©ђ®¡5ح I hate shopping for services.
It seems as though honesty in pricing has so totally fallen by the roadside as to be meaningless in the swamp of advertising.

Example. My local phone company hight Telus claims to offer a Smart Home Phone Bundle - Calling Feature 3 Pack for $14 a month "plus line cost".

Not having a line is of course, not an option. So in fact the $14 bundle sells for $?

Well actually, you can't know that. Because it is NOT SPECIFIED ANYWHERE ON THE SITE! And I looked, believe you me. I could presumably phone and find out . . . if I had a phone. It's possible you get to see the price once you fill out their "apply now" form. But I doubt it. Not consistent with their customer abuse, I mean "customer service" policy on the face of it.

The minimum charge to "install" said line is $45. Regardless of whether it's actually there or not--that is, they charge $45 to have someone press a key on a computer to "activate" your line.

I £µ©λing hate these mealy-mouthed bastards. Can't they just say "$X" (more probably $XXX) and have done with it?

The fine print:
* The TELUS Smart Home Phone Bundle is available to single line residential customers who have TELUS as their primary long distance provider. Non-TELUS long distance customers that select the Calling Feature 3 Pack pay an additional $3.00 per month. Calling Features are available in most areas. Bundle price does not include TELUS Long Distance charges. Prices subject to change.
[...]
In addition to the monthly plan fee, a $4.95 monthly long distance administration fee will be applied to each residential line with a TELUS residential long distance plan.


So hang on there. This isn't available if you don't have Telus long distance service, $3 additional charge notwithstanding. But if you DO, then the charge is $5? To "administer" something you're already paying for anyway? Holy £µ©λ!

It's this sort of obfuscation which means I have to waste precious hours of my valuable time to make the best deal possible without getting screwed by the small print.

I hope whoever allowed them to adopt outright refusal to answer as a customer service strategy has their sex organs eaten by rats in their nightmares every night for the rest of their lives.

If anyone out there is listening, I will sign up with the best and cheapest of any the internet or phone service provision companies who come to me with an honest price in writing without any *'s.

I ain't holding my breath.

And while I'm at it--how about a side-by-side comparison of services and charges? Telus doesn't even let you compare their own plans on the same page in any detail.

I didn't like them before and I like them less every time I have to visit their site. Whatever twisty-minded corporate zombie thought up this way of providing "services" (same @$$#0!€ who thought up the answering systems used by credit card companies, I don't misdoubt) should be boiled alive in a vat of their own urine, but only after being gently flayed with a lemon zester.

Telus blows dead bears, and they're only the worst of a bad lot. At least in jail you get one free call. And often lubrication.

Are you hearing me Darren Entwistle?

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