Okay, So I Have To Gloqt.

I mean, "gloat". Unfortunately I'm sitting at a French internet cafe, with a French keyboard, set to "Anglais". This means that about half of the letters I usually use are in the wrong place, and of course there's no way of telling for sure what's going to hit the screen when I hit the key.

The Person Formerly Known as "The SO", now known as "first order of business--come up with new name for SO" . . . Hmmm.

Okay, so Mme Metro (it'll do until I can come up with something better) and I are honeymooning in Paris. It all began with the wedding (harp sound effect, screen blurs . . .)

(Screen resolves into a loving couple holding hands before a crowd of thousands on the steps of St. Paul's, but since the Missez and I got married outdoors before a few friends we re-dissolve to . . .)

Very similar loving couple gazing into each other's interior aqueous chambers, holding hands before a small gazebo.

Officiant: And do you, SO, take Metro to be your etc etc?

SO: I do (Immediately smacks Metro across the face).

(I have witnesses--including the sometime reliable Evil Elf over at Raincoaster).

This odd behaviour was excused by some faint mention of an insect hanging about where it wasn't supposed to be. Personally I think she just wanted to get ahead of me, in case I turned out to be a partner-beater.

It was a smallish wedding. But, just in case, we'd arranged to have it outdoors. In March. In Canada. I also undertook a complex operation to delay\derail our witnesses, involving a strategically placed moose. Still, very few people took the hint. In the fading light you could have mistaken our fierce grip on each others' hands for devotion rather than clinging together for warmth.

The dinner was terrific (thanks, Garry), the music was great (thanks to Les, Curtis, Patrick & Geoff), and then the new Mme Metro ran off to Seattle, me hot on her heels. It's much cheaper to fly from Seattle to Paris. There's this "cattle" class they don't have in Canada.

So here we are. The new Mrs. Metro wants to go now, to do what honeymooning couples usually spend most of their time doing in France. It seems she just can't get enough of it.

You were thinking "eat", right?