Metroblog

A one-time school project gone terribly, terribly wrong.

14 January 2004

But enough about me, let's talk about you for a bit. . .

Well if you're not going to contribute to this discussion, perhaps I'd better continue:

Why is it that every other driver on the road is doing something illegal or impolite? I figured it out:

In my hometown there are about two million people. Let's assume that 1,000,000 of 'em have driver's licenses (whether or not they deserve them is an entirely different kettle of fish). And of that number, let's stipulate that about a third are on the road at any given time.

So that's 300,000 drivers in the Greater City Area at any time (yeah, I know that at 2:00 AM the bars let out and the proportions change). 2820 square kilometres is the area of the GCA.

So 300,000/2820 = 106 and a bit. That's one hundred drivers in every single square kilometre. That'd be a car every 100 metres or so. Since we're actually confined to the relatively small area that's actually paved road in order to do our travelling, it's no wonder the roads feel crowded!

Now of those 100-odd (and I do mean odd) drivers--50% are below average in driving ability to start with!

It's not unreasonable to assume that 20 drivers who are normally good drivers are at this very moment making a minor but genuine mistake.

I'm not talking here about people who decide to pass tractor-trailers within a kilometre of the exit ramp they need, then cut them off to make that exit. Simply about people who genuinely consider where they're going and are customarily courteous, but for some reason (such as having been cut off by some moron anxious to be one spot closer to the red light) have to make unplanned changes to their itinerary.

So they're out there, making that overly-fast lane jump--possibly without signalling. Add that to the 50%, and you get 70% of drivers at any time are making genuine mistakes or driving like morons 'cause they are.

Now let's throw in the cell phone users. They bloody well are a hazard at the wheel, and those of you sitting there shaking your silly heads and thinking how dumb I am know it, deep down in your shrivelled souls--don't take my word for it, have a look here and here.

Just had to add this!

Your choice--I don't have to like it. But be aware: When you phone at the wheel, you're saying you'd rather risk other people's lives than have to be alone with your thoughts for minutes at a time.

Or maybe every idiot I see yakking on a cell phone (usually while applying make-up, changing the CD, or trying to operate their cute little GPS) is actually a paramedic or doctor, who desperately needs to be reachable in the event of an emergency--I hope so, 'cause one day I'm not gonna bother hitting the brakes when such a moron swings unsignallingly into my lane.

Whoo! Sorry--I got a little wired there. Truthfully, I do believe that there are other activities (Whopper-chomping, mascara-smearing, and waving a single digit in outrage at the car beside you among others) that are almost as distracting as cell phones. And here comes mobile internet. . . But I digress.

Assuming that there are 19 drivers out there using their death machines to reach 1-900-SPANK-ME. Now we have 89% of the drivers out there are doing something stupid or involuntarily dangerous.

And maybe just 9% of the people out there are just genuine deliberate bad drivers. They could be good--they've got the skills, but they choose to blow yellow lights at ninety in playground zones 'cause they're both pathalogically stupid and inconsiderate.

That's 98% of the people out there! And since I'm known to make the odd mistake from time to time...

It's a genuine miracle that any of us get home at all!

"Hang on!" said the reader "That's only 99%!"
"Ah" said the writer "I was wondering if you'd notice. The remaining 1% is people like this."

If you're squirming in your seat because you think you recognized yourself--don't drive anywhere. Click here instead.

It'll keep you busy until I can get safely home.

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